CrazyLove

I am reading CrazyLove by Francis Chan currently with the youth. There is so much in the book (I have only read 3 chapters so far) but there is SO much that is really forcing me to look at myself, but this caught me the most.

In chapter 3, pages 60-63, Chan brings up a question that the first time you read it you go, Well that is a stupid question. The second time you read it, you realize it's only stupid because you don't want to know the true answer of your heart. And the third time you read it, you bow your head in prayer, asking for a pure, loving heart.

The question is:

Do we truly love God, or do we just love all His stuff?



If I may be honest and blunt (quickly, because we have to leave the house soon! :) ) but to be honest... I am not sure. I reflect on my time with Jesus, in worship, reading, bible study, fellowship, serving, etcetc. and I can only say that I know I am blessed and am so grateful for those blessings, but I also don't think I can say that I know Jesus well enough to say that I truly love Him.


I think I need more time to process this, and I am going to continue reading the book and reflecting on here probably. My question for you is this: What do YOU think you love more? Your blessings, or the one blessing you?


Love,

Kayla

p.s. 6 days and I will be done with FedEx, HOLLA!

Peru. School. FedEx. Illness. and other things

So. Nothing insightful today. Just plenty on my mind.

Today I am not feeling well. Just a little under the weather. To be expected, being as I am overworked, over emotional, eating awful things and our roommate has strep and a sinus infection. So I canceled work and school today to rest and do nothing. I am so blessed that the people I work with at the school (in all 3 jobs) are so understanding. And I have worked hard to stay on top of things, so they know I am not slaking! Hopefully I can rest it out of my body before it takes over!

School is going well, I got some of my first grades from one of my professors who is new this year and I am pleased. I was nervous but am happy with what I got. I am starting to calm down about the semester... but that leads me to other news...

David's 100 days off from work started on January 18th. Officially. Officially, the person who makes a majority of the money in the household is now officially making nothing.

EXCEPT!

He was approved for unemployment and on top of that, it is more then last year. This is all good news, for obvious reasons, but the best news is this: with this and my other jobs I am working, I CAN QUIT FEDEX! Praise the Lord! I am so excited to get sleep, not forget about things due for my other jobs, get to focus on my freelancing, AND spend time with my husband! This is very very exciting, if you can't tell!

Lastly, and certainly not least, we JUST just JUST ordered our tickets to Peru! I am having a small heart attack, thinking about how to pay for all this, how to budget, how I shouldn't have bought that coffee yesterday... etc etc. Yet, I am excited. I am over-joyed. I am...content. God is so awesome, so powerful, so faithful. David and I were praying the other night and David said something about how He shows us, all the time, that we are silly for worrying. So I am going to do my best not to worry, work my hardest to do my best and honor Him daily, and it will workout for His Glory, in His timing, the way He has it set out... and it will be far better then I could ever imagine.

Amen!

<3

Kayla (and David)

"Stay With Me"

I have a feeling that this blog is turning more into my personal blog then a blog about David and I, but I will still post updates on where our life is going, how things are going, etc.

Some of my goals for this year are to spend more time with the Lord. I have been really bad at just sitting silently with the Lord or reading the Bible and praying, so I want to be more consistent in that. I am taking baby steps because, like I said in my last post, I am SUPER busy, but I think that if I spend less time on facebook/twitter/etc and more time scheduling my time wisely, I think I can survive the weeks and eventually the semester!

I did survive(obviously) my first week of the semester. I ate healthy, I made a point to not drink a diet coke at 4 am at FedEx, I did activity (shoveling and chopping ice) and I tracked what I ate pretty well. I lost 3 pounds when I weighed in and I started Bible study this week. A few times this week I spent a little time in the Bible and reflected in my journal. I am really proud of how I handled the week and really surprised with how the week went! Praise the Lord for his mercy and in letting me get some sleep on Friday! Monday there is no school, which means I don't have my internship, student worker, work study or class. Or FedEx. I am very pumped for that.

ANYWAYS. The whole point of this post was to let everyone know they should listen to BarlowGirl. I have been pretty obsessed lately with their Love & War album. All their albums are wonderful, but lately the song "Stay with Me" has been just a great song for me to listen to.



Hopeless, getting through this night
And life is not dying in this fight
I'm begging you to deliver me ooh ooh ooh
Confused why you won't take this pain from me

My steps never felt so hard
The end never look so far but
If you won't take me out
Then please take me through this

Stay with me so I won't leave
And make me see that this is not forever
'Cause all I need is your love pulling me

What is the reason for this night
Is hope found in fullness with no light
Does strength grow in our greatest fears
God I pray something good will come from this pain

With you here I know
I don't go alone
I am yours and so
Through the fire I'll go

This is a wonderful song. I believe that the Lord allows difficult situations because that is where our greatest growth comes from. It doesn't have to be something horrid like a death or illness, although those things too force us to change and grow when we rely on the Lord then He will pull us through those dark nights. Even in busy schedules, difficult semesters, broken friendships, dry marriages, or whatever our 'situation' is, He uses that to mold us into better people.

My prayer for myself, and those of us that follow the Lord, is that we would rely on Him heavily before, during and after these difficult situations. Hindsight is 20/20, but what if we go into our life's situations with an attitude that it will make us better, strong and bring more Glory to our wonderful Creator!

I know a lot of this is stuff that most people have already dived into, processed and are trying to live out, but for me this is stuff that I still strive for and who knows if it will ever be something that becomes second nature. How does something like procrastination become second nature but relying on the Lord doesn't? Another mystery of life :)

Thanks for reading my ramblings. Comments/criticism is always welcomed.
Have a blessed weekend!

k~

: Look at the birds of the air!

Tonight is the eve of our last semester.
David will be finishing in May at MSCTC with a 2 year in IT.
I will be finishing in May at MSCTC with a 2 year in Graphic Design.

To be honest with the whole world, this week has been very rough. Nothing in particular, just completely and utterly overwhelmed by how much is going to happen in the next few months, starting tomorrow. I had my second emotional/mental/nervous breakdown in 5 days today, and just am sitting down to write it down, hash it out, and hopefully get over it!

For me its FedEx, workstudy, internship, class, bible study, Confirmation, Elevate, Freelancing, Weight Watchers, household chores, working out, family, friends, life... and I feel like that is the tip of my iceberg!
David has been so helpful, pointing out scripture and reminding me that there is no reason to worry, that God will carry me through all of it, messy or not, crying or not, I will make it (Lord willing!) But I am sitting here, still very nervous, slightly upset and almost bitter that I am this anxious and school hasn't even started yet!

Why is it so hard to remember that the Lord is in control, that all this blubbering is worthless and I might as well enjoy the view because I'm not even the one driving? I know I am learning a lesson here, I just don't know why I am so stinking thick headed to not get it :)

One of my favorite preachers (thus far) is Andy Stanley. He does a sermon on worrying. He starts with saying what you are most worried about, is what you are most devoted to. Preach it Pastor Stanley! It's a marvelous series, you can find it on YouTube under Andy Stanley Don't Worry. He's a great preacher and I really enjoy him.

My favorite part of the sermon (and scripture) is when he says/reads "Look at the birds of the air!" Look at the birds of the air... if Jesus said that to me today, I would look at Him like he was crazy! but then he says "Do they worry? No, they don't, they get food, etc etc. " well, yeah. "Are you not more valuable then they?!"

Yes, I do think I may be a little more important then a bird. :) What a great lesson! God will take care of me, because he takes care the birds of the air! So exciting.
I encourage you to check Andy Stanley out. He has a great sense of humor and is a bucolically sound man.

Anyways, God is so wonderful and gracious and good, even when things are tough, sticky, messy and icky! Enjoy His blessings, because you aren't driving anyways! :)



Kayla (and Dave)


“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

-Matthew 6:25-34